Empathy

In a comment on my post ‘Don’t stop’, LadyP wondered if I was really a dom, because I have some insights into the submissive mind. It’s always good to receive compliments, and I don’t imagine she seriously meant to question my status as a dom. But it set me thinking. In the first place, I have to say that anything I know about how submissives think comes largely from my relationships with them. Talking to them intensively about their experiences has provided me with many glimpses into the mystery that is (submissive) woman, and I’m so grateful to each and every one of the women who have been willing to explore d/s with me. Their willingness not just to respond but to articulate their responses has been invaluable.

Secondly, I am sure there is a symbiosis between the dominant and the submissive mind. One is the mirror image of the other. Of course you will not achieve a perfect fit right from the start, and maybe not ever, but the dom is always looking to live out that fundamental law of physics which says that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. He wants to whip her; she craves the lash. He wants to choke her with his cock; she wants him to force it down her throat.

Women novelists create male characters. Gay authors write about straights. Black writers write about white people, and so on. Why should doms not write about submissives? And vice versa. The Marquis de Sade created Justine; the author of Story of O created Sir Stephen. It is, after all, part of the normal process of human interaction. We all try to intuit how others think and feel, especially those of the other sex or other sexual persuasion. We don’t always get it right, but most of us achieve some success. I don’t see how you could have a relationship at all otherwise.

But perhaps we can go further. Are we, any of us, wholly, 100% male or female? Gay or straight? Dominant or submissive? Maybe in every dom there is a streak of submissiveness. I don’t go so far as to say that, just as in every fat man there is a thin man trying to get out (as George Orwell alleged), so inside every dom there is a submissive straining for release. But might there be, however deeply buried, some faint stirring of the submissive impulse? And be honest, ladies; have you, however submissive, never sneaked a look at a picture of a man tied up and helpless, or had a thought of picking up a riding crop and rapping out a command, if only you dared?