Is every dom a sadist, someone who enjoys inflicting physical pain? No, of course not. I am sure there are many doms who never raise their hand against a submissive girl, who prefer to enforce her submission by other means. A hand, firm but gentle, on the back of the neck may achieve as much as a whipping. A few words, spoken in the right tone, may put her trembling on her knees.
But maybe there’s such a thing as psychological sadism. A dom may never strike her but still he may wish to push her further than at first she seems willing to go. He may wish to test his will against hers, break through her resistance with words and gestures, if not with blows. Are there not doms whose sadistic instincts are aroused by the thought not of thrashing a girl but by humiliating her, requiring her to expose herself, shame herself for his pleasure?
In Story of O the heroine’s lover does not beat her himself, but has her beaten and fucked by other men. Ultimately he gives her to Sir Stephen to do to her those cruel things he cannot bring himself to do; a sadist by proxy.
A submissive girl may dream of serving on her knees, even of slavery, and yet never wish to be beaten. That’s easy enough to imagine. So I don’t say that a desire for pain is of the essence of d/s. All I will say is that somewhere down the line the submissive girl wants to be forced to do things she has resistance to. Whether the force comes from the threat of a beating or from psychological pressure is a matter of choice.
One more thing. A desire to experience pain is not necessarily a sign of submission. There are doms who enjoy being hurt, not through submitting to another dominant but by ordering their submissive to inflict pain on them. He (or even she) will specify exactly what kind of pain they wish for, how intense it should be. It’s totally under their control. It stops when they say so. And the submissive who administers the beating or twists the clamps is in no doubt that she is following her master’s bidding. It’s done for his pleasure, not hers.
A desire for pain can be a very perverse thing.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
12 comments:
Enjoyed this post, i struggle with my masochism at times and question why I am like I am.
I find it bewilders and infuriates me that the more pain he is inflicting the more aroused i get even more so when its something i really dont like.
I tend to enjoy a session more afterwards than i do at the actual time, I revel in the afterglow and the subsequent come down.
This resonates, because i have much more experience with the psychological sadism than physical. The psychological can be as real as the physical...except sometimes even moreso, because it's abstract pain. Ultimately whether it hurts a sub is up to how well the Dom knows which buttons to push. And unlike physical pain, ultimately the sub can at any time decide not to let it hurt. Perhaps there is slightly greater risk with psychological pain, for both sub and Dom. But with all things bdsm, it's all about the two involved, their trust and their dynamic. Will add though, that for a physical sadist, it is maybe just as much psychological. And as far as the psychological sadism, it can be felt physically. At least for me, there's been times it's left me maybe not with marks and bruises, but drained of energy, weak, sick feeling. Yeah, a desire for this is pretty perverted.
Interesting to think about...
Very much enjoyed your writing today.
I struggle against the pain, and find it hard - nigh-well impossible to enjoy actual pain. Master Michael is very aware so he is careful but he does like to push limits! . . .who doesn't??
I do like a lot of sensation variety, however as I get rapidly bored even with very pleasurable sensations.
No, not every Dom is a sadist and not every Dom who inflicts pain on a submissive is a sadist either. I think just because you like to hand out a spanking, it does not mean you are sadistic.
I have a Dom friend, who does enjoy dealing out pain to his submissive, but if you even try to call him a sadist, he will flip the fuck out.
Personally, I love sadists, but I'm a little biased. Being a masochist and all.
I have followed your blog for quite a while now ... you are a very compelling writer ... and although I have never felt driven to comment before this one had a deeper impact on me ... because you have touched on a really good insight I think ... what you talk about here resonates with me very strongly ...
I have been attracted to three dominant personalities so far in different ways and to different degrees ... and interestingly none of them liked to think of themselves as sadists ... none of them had preferences that tended towards the imposition of severe physical pain ...
Indeed ... all of them were of greater intellect ... approaching things from a mental as much as a physical standpoint ... and my experience with the one in particular is quite telling ...
My interactions there have taught me that sacrifice comes in many forms ... and a woman can be as driven to give her life over in a psychological fashion just as much as a physical one ... I rather think that the mental side of submission is in fact the deeper and more powerful ... actually an even more dangerous place to tread ... but with the possibility of even greater connection and intimacy on the upside ... with the greater risk can come the greater reward ... or the most painful fall ...
This post interests me very much as I have been struggling with why pain is so much a part of the D/s world. It interests me so much that I have an upcoming blog post on the concept of pain. It is a complex topic which is difficult to put into words but I am working on it.
While your post is very good, I think you are dancing around the subject and maybe are having problems with putting it into words as well.
~ The Rose ~
Thank you.
Best regards
Very interesting post.
I've mostly known dominants who were mental sadists.. I didn't know so much about the attraction I have to pain and found the mental sadism interesting if not always what made me thrive.
Currently I'm involved with a physical Sadist who pushes me in ways I find I'm enjoying very much. I had no idea ( before now) that I liked the pain so much.
So I'm learning and growing and extremely happy.
I'm always surprised and shocked at how much I enjoy pain.. every time. Perhaps I'll just always react this way.. I don't have any way to foretell.
I much prefer the physical sadism to the mental. Just my choice.. if there is one!
The comment on the previous post gave me pause for thought. I don't think of myself as being sadistic at all, in fact I am only slightly dominant when it suits me. But the cackle of laughter I gave after ruining another orgasm of my subs must surely come from a sadistic part of my personality that is deeply buried.
Discerning Dom,
I do not associate D/s with pain. I have experienced pain in the D/s relationship I have with Master and I have witnessed it in many other similar relationships. Still I do not believe the two are immediate.
I am definitely not a masochist although I wish I could take the pain Master enjoys inflicting. Master is most certainly a sadist, both psychological and physical; however, his sadism comes only when he _knows_ the submissive wants, craves, aches, desires the pain as well.
And like Master I enjoy inflicting pain even though I most certainly am not a dominant. I am a sadistic slave but I never inflict pain on Master, in fact the only pain I wish to inflict is on women and that pain is limited to physical only. I receive no pleasure at inflicting psychological pain but physical, well that does bring a wicked smile to my lips.
Where my pleasure differs from Masters and others I have met though is I receive absolutely no pleasure if the woman is crying. I do not want a tear stained, uncontrollably sobbing woman. In fact we once played with a female submissive who laughed when she felt pain and that - well that was a dream come true because laughter really arouses me.
Sadism/masochism for me is not part of every dominant/submissive relationship.
~a
Very thought provoking. Whilst I think most people are aware of the difference between dominance and sadism, there is, all too often, an assumption that the two go together always. I don't think that's the case, although, admittedly, the two do often go hand in hand. It's good to think about it from time to time.
I really enjoyed this post and it really spoke to me because everyone seems to talk about the phusical side of submission whereas I crave the mental side.
"All I will say is that somewhere down the line the submissive girl wants to be forced to do things she has resistance to. Whether the force comes from the threat of a beating or from psychological pressure is a matter of choice."
Beautiful words that resonate with me...but is it really a choice or are we just that way?
Post a Comment