Insults

Many doms like to add insult to injury. The injury is the beatings, the nipple-clampings, the face-slappings, all the kinds of physical ‘abuse’ he engages in with his submissive. And insults would be the names he calls her while he’s doing it. I’ve never been entirely sure what I feel about this. I certainly have enjoyed calling a submissive girl a slut, or a whore, or, in special circumstances, a horny little bitch. I’ve even written such words on her body. But I’m always concerned that I don’t go too far. It’s my experience that many submissive girls are prey to uncertainties about what they are doing. They aren’t always sure they ‘ought’ to be doing such things, whether it’s good to be whipped or humiliated, even with their consent. It may be a moral thing (some submissive girls are religious; squaring that particular circle is not an easy thing to do; subject for another blog-post, perhaps). It may be a feminist thing (and I’m all for feminism, in case you are wondering). Or it may be the worry, where will it end? ‘I want this so much, I just want more and more; maybe I’m getting into a danger area.’

One of the main reasons submissive girls feel uncertainty is to do with self-esteem. This can be both a physical and a psychological thing. Girls often need a lot of reassurance that their bodies are appealing, not only when they are wearing a pretty dress with their make-up freshly done, but when they are on their knees with smeared lipstick and eye-shadow, or tied up in what feels like an ungraceful or awkward position, or when they are exposed for close examination. Some girls worry that their cunts are not attractive. It can take some time to convince a girl both that her cunt is perfectly ‘normal’, and that you find it irresistibly appealing.

And some girls have a real issue with being called names. They need to be very sure that when you call them a slut, it is basically a term of approval, even praise, that a slut is something you admire, something you very much want them to be. Just for you. For me, a slut is simply a girl who enjoys sex without reserve, and the dirtier or kinkier the sex the more she enjoys it. But there’s a line I try not to cross. I want a girl to feel proud of what she does with me. And so I would never ever tell a girl she is a useless fuck-hole, or a stupid cunt. It’s clear some doms like to demean their girls in this manner, and if the girl gets off on it, that’s fine, I suppose. But it would never work for me, and I wouldn’t like any girl I knew to want that sort of verbal abuse. I’d worry that she didn’t value herself. But maybe I’m having difficulty here separating out fantasy from reality, which of course is the accusation we make against vanilla folk when they say that d/s is all about men exploiting women.