Hard limits

We were talking about hard limits. She told me a few that she had. Mostly, they were unexceptionable; I would have no problem respecting them. If something would distress her, I wouldn’t do it. It’s no pleasure to me to see her upset. I want to make her do things she wants to do, even if she thinks perhaps she ought not to do them (too dirty, not what nice girls do), or even if she thinks she really doesn’t want to, but finds out in fact that she does after all (all sorts of deviousness go on in the submissive mind!).

Of course a little resistance now and then only adds to the dom’s pleasure in enforcing his wishes. But you have to be careful to find out the true nature of the resistance. Once thing she said was a hard limit because it involved some humiliation. When I probed it turned out that what was troubling her was her vanity. She thought that when performing that act she wouldn’t look elegant. I’ll look ugly, she said. So, I replied, it’s vanity that makes you resist. Yes, she said, but girls are that way, aren’t they? I told her I didn’t think vanity was a good reason for not following instructions. But I’ll be upset if I have to do something that makes me look awkward and silly, she said.

It seems to me that sometimes you have to insist, have to break through the reluctance, because pride and modesty and vanity are all very well, but what the dom wants is that she gives him everything, holds nothing back. If she’s always glancing in the mirror when you are working on her, she’s not focused on pleasing you. And that needs to be dealt with.

I think I can tell if she’s really upset or whether she’s just trying it on. And I’m not easily discouraged. But after this conversation had gone on a little while, she said that perhaps she was a very bad submissive and that I would get bored or weary with her if she didn’t simply submit. I’ve heard things like this from submissives before. They often lack confidence (which is why they try and hold back). They don’t think they are good enough for their dom.

I don’t allow that sort of thinking. My response is, I have chosen you. How dare you think I would choose someone who was unworthy! That’s a slight on my judgment as a dom. If she lacks confidence, it’s part of the dom’s job to instil it, make her feel that she is the best. Sometimes you hear of doms who insult their submissives, calling them useless pieces of shit, etc, etc. I would never ever do that. I want her to feel that she is supremely valuable to me.