Men, I’ll be the first to admit, have minds that tend to run along the same tracks where sex is concerned. I’m thinking in particular about what they like girls to wear. In this respect there isn’t maybe much difference between kinky guys and vanilla types. Almost all of us like stockings, preferably with suspenders (OK, garter-belts to our American friends). We like high-heels. We like corsets. We like black underwear (or maybe red), usually in slithery materials like silk and satin, although in fact I like anything that’s got style; white or cream can be very fetching.
I read something in the paper the other day in favour of women wearing shorts, now popular as daytime wear even for those who work in the City. The writer, a woman, said she was all in favour and seemed somewhat mystified why on the whole men don’t like them, even though you get to see a lot of leg. I thought the answer would be obvious to anyone, but it seems not. Men have atavistic feelings about such things (a fancy way of saying their ideas are rather crude). They don’t care for shorts the same reason they don’t care for tights (pantyhose to my US readers). The woman is not so available as in a skirt and stockings. Not to put too fine a point on it, you can’t get your hand inside, not so easily. So if you are dressing for a d/s date, my advice is, don’t opt for shorts.
Of course there are other options. There are many kinksters who are into fetish wear. I know a girl who likes to wear latex, and she gets remarkable results from guys who want to look at her in her tight catsuit, and even touch the smooth, slithery material, if she allows them the privilege. Latex and rubber seem well adapted to girls who switch or are dommes. Does it give them a feeling of power? Does the sensation of being tightly enclosed offer protection, like an extra skin, and so give them an edge?
There can be other variations in the somewhat stereotypical clothing which men favour. Maybe you like her to be your little girl, in which case you’ll prefer pink to red and black, and frills and flounces to whalebone. But the question I’d like to pose is, what is the preferred uniform for a dom? I’ve heard girls say they swoon at a guy in a well-cut suit. Is a tie an added attraction, or is that a trifle conventional nowadays? I’ve rarely put my suit on to spank a girl. I feel it’s rather too formal; I normally only wear it for weddings and funerals (and yes, I’ve only got one). I am more relaxed, more myself, in smart-casual, jacket and trousers but no tie. But I wouldn’t go very far towards informality; I’d only wear jeans if I knew her really well and it was more of a friendly encounter than a session.
Maybe I’m showing my age here, in a preference for something smart. What I can’t understand is some of the clothes you see guys wearing in porno video clips. Scruffy vests or t-shirts, cut-off denims, dirty old trainers, or even no shoes but black woolly socks. I can’t help feeling this shows a lack of respect to the girl. Would you take her out on a date dressed like that? One has the uncomfortable feeling that yes, some guys would.
I’d be interested to know if it makes any difference to a girl who’s about to receive a spanking if he is well-dressed or not. And if she is.
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I think the most important ist that you don't feel disguised. It's all about being authentic in any way.
Wearing leather, latex and fetishthings seems to superficial to me mostly. Like you need to put on another personality.
For me it's about the inside. The clothes are not important. The eyes should see through all layers to get revealed by the dom.
I much prefer my Dominant to be a gentleman, whether it be in a suit or jeans and a long sleeve tee. Although it isn't my choice what Mr. Hatton wears, I am happy that he would never be caught dead in fetish wear - the black leather vest or leather pants. It thrills me to no end that he is (well, my idea of) a proper Englishman. There's nothing goth or 'lifestyle' about him. Whether he's casual or dressed up, his dominance is a light that shines from within.
As for me, sometimes I take my spankings fully clothed, most of the times I take them naked. However, I dress for a spanking, it is at Mr. Hatton instruction and for his pleasure.
Cher,
Mr. Hatton's darling girl
It makes a difference what she wears, because it sets the mood: if she looks at herself in the mirror and is turned on by the image, it's a better way to start than from scratch. As for him: well, if one starts from the thought of clothed vs unclothed, then the Dom should be clothed, because unclothed, it's difficult to retain the dignity essential to a dom; although I don't doubt that an accomplished Dom could achieve mastery even unclothed, it would take a lot more work and time if the scene weren't set up so well (and costumes and props help make the scene). So taking the thought a step further, better clothed should certainly be better than shodily clothed, although it doesn't have to be a suit (which in these modern times, is considered overdressed, except, as you say, for weddings and funerals)
Clothes make the man.
A woman, even a submissive women, deserves to have that courtesy extended to her. To know that a Dom will make the effort to look good. Not just for her of course, but so that he looks nice. It projects the confident self image that should naturally accompany any man, but most especially a Dom.
When we go to dinner, especially if its somewhere very nice, I have to be dressed for the occasion. There is no other feeling like looking across a table to see the man you're with in a nice jacket, a dress shirt, tie and nice trousers. Having your server check out your date is very gratifying. Even moreso as you laugh silently to yourself because she has no idea that in less than an hour that attractively dressed gentleman will have you stripped down and across his lap...
'Check please!'
Whew. Yes, guys should look nice for women. For themselves. Even Doms.
It turns us on..., well - it turns me on.
I think it very much depends on the dynamic of the relationship and what the expectations are. I will not deny that a well dressed man is extremely sexy, and that I love when my husband & master takes me out while he's wearing one of his suits. (He's a lawyer - he has to own several.) But when we're playing, part of the magic is that I have rules for what I should be wearing..I am told. Sometimes it's just a collar. Sometimes it's a collar and stockings, sometimes the collar and corset. Sometimes there are specific shoes...et cetera.
But he's in control, and he gets to pick what he wears - he has that choice, that autonomy that I don't have. So when he's spanking me or caning me, what's sexiest for him to wear? Whatever he wants. Sometimes it's a nice shirt and nice jeans. Sometimes it's dressier. Sometimes he's nude. Sometimes it's his worn out flannel lounge pants. Sometimes it's just his boxers. It's what he wants...and what he can do.
I don't know if that makes sense, but it makes sense in my head, haha.
For me, it's highly contextual. While I'm one of those women who love men to wear suits, I wouldn't expect any man to wear a suit all the time, including while participating in d/s scenes. More informal clothing is appropriate for more informal situations. Scruffy, dirty, sloppy (and black socks) do not count as acceptably casual.
I have to say that, more than the clothing itself, it's the contrast between the conventional appearance, whether it's formal or casual, and the definitely unconventional man who's wearing them. Not unlike when the hotness factor of a woman is increased when you know she's wearing extremely sexy lingerie under demure clothing.
When it comes to a spanking, I'm usually rather far beyond caring what anyone is wearing and chances are I am naked anyways lol.
Personally, I think whatever people feel most comfortable in is what makes them look best. Kind of a "being comfortable in your own skin" thing.
And if I could pick what I would want to see my Husband in, He would live in black (don't care if it's snazzy or job site wear)because it looks damn good on Him lol.
I made a concious decision to wear matchy matchy underwear all the time a couple of years ago as a matter of course - if you feel sexy underneath then you feel sexy on top too. And of course, it's always handy to be "good to go" because you never know when you'll be caught unawares.
And as for a prospective Dom, clean and tidy goes without saying, but other than that I'm not fussy. Unless it's a Manchester United shirt of course, in which case I'd be off as fast as the wind could carry me...
Couldn't agree more about Manchester United.
Maybe that's where I've been making the BIG mistake in trying to get my lizard to succumb to my Dominant advances. I'll have to start wearing Arsenal.
Damn those Man U underwear!
They say the clothes make the man, and I definitely agree.
I think most men underestimate how important how he dresses and carries himself is to turning on a woman. On the occasion that I've seen my man dressed up, I'm immediately aroused and ready to fall into a puddle at his feet. But when he visits, he's always dressed very casually, and immediately gets undressed, which sadly diminishes my ability to get aroused the way I would like to. I still fall to my knees. But I don't melt into a puddle.
I love this post, but I realized I was leaving a Russian-novel size comment, so I wrote a post in response: Not-so-casual dress.
very interesting indeed. I find that my husband, who is not very domly at all, does enjoy me to dress in all of the things you mentioned. It is a man thing, regardless of D/s preference.
I, on the other hand have not put much thought into what he wears when he spanks me. I think I should after reading this. I do fantasize about him being well dressed, even in his suit with the tie loosened for that more relaxed feeling. I also wouldn't mind trousers and a button down dress shirt, no tie. When I fantasize about being spanked, that's what I typically imagine him wearing.
However, my husband is a jeans and t-shirt kind of man so I never have had the privilege of being spanked by him while he's dressed to the nines ;) Since he loves when I dress up for him in a corset, garter and thigh highs and of course some sexy shoes, I should request he wear something nice for me. I wonder if I would get spanked for even suggesting it?!
@ Neo Dom Tom and DD - it's a little known fact that a full MCFC strip can get a girl in a very submissive mood.
I love men in suits. I especially love the look of a youngish man who has taken off the jacket and tie and rolled his sleeves up a little - somehow that slightly casual approach just seems so much more confident and comfortable than the full suit.
I also love getting dressed up for my Master and being cute and sexy, just for Him (and for Him to show off). But I wouldn't expect Him to dress up for me because, after all, He is the one in charge and not me.
I've never thought about it! But when I consider it in my head, all the Doms I write wear suits. I think really it doesn't matter; really it's about attitude.
But certainly, if I had a choice, always, it would be smart-casual. Well dressed, sophisticated. Well put together.
Oh my, yes, it absolutely does make a difference...at least in the beginning. These things do not matter as much once established but, initially, I need a sharply dressed man. Does he need to be in a suit and tie? No of course not. But I will not deny that if in a room full of seemingly Dominant men, I will zoom in on the one in the suit every time.
I have met Dominant's for coffee or dinner after chatting on the internet, exchanging pictures and whatnot, and they've shown up in cargo shorts and flip-flops. As I sat across the table in my pencil skirt and heels or 1950's style dress, I felt more Dominant over them in some way and I knew there was no future. I don't understand that and maybe it is unfair, but I tend to chalk it up to basic first date common sense. I figure if a man doesn't know (at the very least) that much about human interactions then how in the world is he going to Dominate me...because, let's face it, I'm a challenge even to the best of men. ;)
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