Domspace

It’s never easy the first time. You’re trying so hard to get off on the right foot. I suppose what I want to project at the start is a firm but caring attitude. I want her to be in no doubt about who is in charge, while at the same time having confidence she can trust herself to me. Because it takes a lot of courage for a girl to put herself in my hands, knowing that I want to hurt her.

She’d been reading my blog for a while, and I’d been reading hers, so there was a general level of understanding, and a mutual respect and attraction, or we should not have been in the same room together. But it’s a very different thing, no matter how many emails you may have exchanged, to find yourself alone with someone, face to face. You don’t really know this person, you don’t know how they will respond or how their responses will modify your own behaviour. It’s a two-way process, after all.

What I was trying to do, from the very start, was to establish in her mind, without doubt, what my intentions were, that I knew what I wanted and that I knew what I was doing. Diffidence is not helpful in such situations. At the same time, I liked her a lot and I didn’t want to scare her off. I thought I could take her to the place she wanted to be, to the place where I wanted her to be, and I wanted her in the right frame of mind to go there.

If I describe my actions precisely, it may all sound very clinical, mechanical even. I don’t think it was. When I put my arms around her it felt like a very natural thing to do. When I then put my hand on the back of her neck, stroked her there and applied pressure, that felt natural too. But at the same time I was very alert to her body language. She went quiet. I wouldn’t say she was putty in my hands, because she was responsive, not passive. But I felt a great surge of reassurance, that I could lead her on. It felt right. It was going to work.

Suddenly I wanted to get right to it. I don’t know if she was surprised it happened so fast, but in a moment I had sat on the bed and pulled her face-down across my lap. She’d never said, in any of her emails, that she wanted to be spanked. She’d never said what she wanted, only that it would be good to meet me. True, she once mentioned something about a cane, about wanting to try it. Isn’t that a pretty clear invitation? Well, yes and no. It’s not a simple matter, caning a girl, at least not the way I do it. The cane has a symbolic importance in the d/s world, not least in my blog. It’s invested with a great deal of significance, as the ultimate weapon in the armoury of the experienced dom. It’s not something to be used lightly. For one thing, it hurts, it hurts a lot. That’s the point of it, that it’s more painful than the bare hand on the bottom, or the flogger or the belt or the strap. Submissive girls are often fascinated by the cane, yet fearful. Of course that’s exactly how the dom wants it. But because of the fear, you need to prepare her properly.

Over my knee was the first step. I pulled up her skirt and gave her a couple of hard swats over her knickers, one on each cheek. I meant them to be harder than she expected, I meant them to take her breath away, I meant them to move her into another space. I paused for a moment to let this sink in, then went to work, left, right, left, right. Soon the knickers were pulled down. What a pleasure to see her pretty bottom already a pale pink.

I spanked her by hand for a good long time. I wanted her to feel my body against hers, feel my knees under her, and feel my hand coming down on her bottom, over and over again. At this stage I don’t think it’s mostly about pain. It’s more about establishing physical contact, the reassurance of the weight and solidity and tactility of another body. And also about what’s going on in her mind. Putting her across my knee was saying, yes, you are a grown woman, a sophisticated, worldly, independent woman. But for the duration I’m going to do with you as I please, and you’d better leave your dignity and shame outside the bedroom door, because I don’t allow any of that in here.

I don’t say a hand-spanking doesn’t hurt. I hope it does. But its force and duration are limited by the fact that after a while the dom’s hand is stinging too. Being the one who’s calling the shots, he’s not going to suffer too much discomfort. So eventually, since there are suitable implements at hand, he moves to a different mode. Just one thing to decide before that happens. Are you going to restrain her? It’s not an obvious decision. She has to have a lot of confidence in you if she is going to let a man whom she only set eyes on a short time ago tie her up so tight that she really cannot escape even if she tries. Some girls might panic at this point, which is why I admire the courage of those who don’t.

I do like tying girls up. There are few prettier sights than a trussed-up naked girl, and few which offer such an alluring promise of future delights. But another reason for tying a girl is that I want to spank her hard, perhaps a bit harder than she thinks she wants. And she might struggle at times to keep in position, might, despite stern warnings, be unable to stop her hands from protecting herself. It’s best that she has no option but to take what you are going to give her.

I picked up my flogger and trailed it down her back, between her buttocks, up her back again, across her neck. I wanted the flogger to caress her, make her feel good. But I knew at the same time that the hand-spanking and now the gentle touch of the flogger were making her skin more responsive to what she knew what coming, something which would soon mix pleasure and pain in a different proportion.

This is getting rather long. I think I shall have to continue it next time. Unless, dear readers, you’d rather have my thoughts on Rupert Murdoch?