Domspace (cont.)

As I moved up through the gears, as it were, from flogger to belt to tawse, I was paying close attention to the responses I was getting. But at the same time I was becoming more engaged myself; hence the title of this post. Submissive girls have sometimes said to me, I know what excites me about spanking, but I don’t quite see what the dom gets out of it. I always find this a strange question. Here’s a naked, pretty girl, at your mercy, and she actually wants you to spank her bottom; what’s not to like? But perhaps it’s not immediately obvious to all why what in another context would be an abusive act can be the source of such intense pleasure, as much to the spanker as to she who is spanked.

It’s not easy to put into words what I feel, because the sensations are visceral, atavistic. Mostly, it’s a feeling of power, the heady pleasure of being able to do as I please with another human being. But why is spanking the thing I choose to do, rather than any of the other things I might choose? I suppose the easiest way to know you are really getting through to someone is if you can see and/or hear their response to your actions. So as she squirms and squeals I have instant feedback, I know without a doubt that the strokes of whatever implement I am wielding are having an impact, on her mind as well as on her bottom. That makes me feel strong, in command. I want to exercise my power by playing with her, testing her, teasing her, giving her pleasure but only on my terms, because the pleasure she is getting comes at a price, the price of total surrender and the price of accepting as much pain as she can bear.

However, you could get not dissimilar responses, wriggles and whimpers, from bringing her to orgasm, and indeed I enjoy that just as much (see below). I think one of the things that most excites me about spanking is the knowledge that she perversely gets pleasure from the pain I inflict. Girls aren’t supposed to want those sorts of things. They aren’t supposed to enjoy the humiliation of being put across the knee, aren’t supposed to enjoy being tied up helpless, aren’t supposed to get pleasure from having their behinds beaten until they beg for mercy, until the bruises show. One of the great satisfactions for me is in making girls admit just how much they like forbidden delights, how much they enjoy perversity. I’ve always wanted to corrupt girls, to debauch them, to make them own up to guilty pleasures they wouldn’t dare confess to their mothers, or their friends, or to their vanilla partners. Making girls admit to the enjoyment of pain is a particularly perverse pleasure, and a very powerful one for me.

(I hope it goes without saying that the pleasure I get from inflicting pain is not the only pleasure I get from spanking. I also delight in knowing that she is getting what she wants and needs. There’s the pleasure of giving, and it’s a big part of my enjoyment of the experience. But that’s another story.)

So, at the moment that it was time for the ultimate, the caning, I was in a kind of domspace, totally focussed on my actions and her reactions. I don’t think domspace is exactly the same as subspace. The submissive girl wants to be transported, taken out of herself, put in another place, a place where she can scarcely articulate any longer what she wants, even though there’s a safeword there if she needs it. She has entirely lost control. But the dom, I think, can never lose control. He is the one who is responsible for her well-being. I can just about imagine, if I try hard, becoming so excited with giving a beating that I want to go on and on. I can imagine myself disregarding her wishes, taking no notice as she cries and screams. I say I can imagine this; but I would never do it, because I’m a responsible grown-up, and I care about the girls I spank. I would never ever harm them. So I need to stay in control, not just of the girl but of myself.

Nevertheless, there is a kind of place I get to where the intensity of my pleasure in spanking her is an almost spiritual experience. What I seek is the moment when she thinks she’s had enough, really can’t take any more, and you hold her and stroke her neck and whisper in her ear that you want her to be a good girl for you, and what would please you more than anything is if she would take just a little more. Another six strokes, you whisper, and then I’ll stop if that’s your limit. And she hesitates. She wants to please you, she wants to be made to take more, but the cane really, really hurts. And then she nods. That’s a magical moment for me, to know that I have led her beyond what she thought she could endure, that I have put her in a place where pleasing me is more important to her than the relief of pain. A place where the pain becomes pleasure because it’s endured for your pleasure, which is hers.

In that state, I often want to delay fucking the girl, because I think that would bring me out of domspace. (I find it hard to explain why that should be so.) I’d sooner, when the time comes that she really cannot take any more, hold her and whisper in her ear and give her the care she needs. And on the occasion I’m remembering right now, what she needed besides kisses and kind words was to come. I could tell that her whole body was poised on the crest of a wave of desire. So I put my fingers in her and finger-fucked her, and found her clit and caressed it. That gave me as much pleasure as the spanking. (It was a good thing she was still tied, because she came with such force I think she might have fallen out of bed otherwise.) Later, I did fuck her, and was very glad to do so, but I was in a different space then.

Reading this over, I still don’t think I’ve quite pinned down what it is that I experience during a spanking. I think I need to do a little more hands-on research...